Good bye

I have become addicted to saying good bye. No not waving at my grandma as i leave after a weekend of granny love.

I have become a professional at leaving dead weight people behind. You all have at least one, be it in person or social media. Those people who either , dont make time for you, although they can for others. Or people who are pigeons, they shit on anything you do or say, by a i did it better remark or a omg you can only do it one way.

In general dead weights barely make you feel good in any area if life. They speak about their life, be it how bad it is or how much better it is. They never encourage or congratulate. Not saying people have to throw a parade each time we do something ok, jusy a simple thats cool or head nod is fine.

Now i am a soft person, i tolerated poor friendship, with excuses for the poor excuse of a friend. I was an enabler. I let people be shit to me and in return id bend over backwards to always be there for them.

My first goodbye was from a friend ive had for nearly two decades. She isnt a bad person, but she is a shitty friend. I seen her use a lot of her other friends and alot use her to,for financial reasons or services. I never thought she used me. But than i never had money or time to be of use. She used me as she knew id be there as a emotional crutch to pick up the pieces.

I over the years thought of ending our friendship but made excuses and made myself feel like the bad friend. Until the time came i actually needed someone to be there and listen. I was going through postnatal depression. She told me she couldnt make a coffee date we planned as she was busy, yet on social media she was having fun with her new friend. A friend who would clean her house, do chores for her, babysit etc. I realised her meal ticket friend was worth more than the friend who was there for every issue merely as a friend not because i gained anything from it.

So i blocked her from social media, my phone  and life. Although deep down i should of spoken to her first and said the way i felt, but i knew id make excuses for her  and we would resume our side show friendship.

The test came when i ran into her in public with her new friend, she came over all happy to see me i smiled said hello, ignored anything else and went home. I told my best friend about this and she goes you know what screams the loudest is,one she never noticed you blocked her and two if that was me i would of driven to your house and worked out the problem.

So yes my first goodbye was a little sloppy and fucking hard as i looked at myself like the worst person in the world. But as time went by I felt better about it and not one day have i missed her friendship.

Now i have gotten to the point, where i can say goodbye to people and leave without guilt. I dont say goodbye to people because they or i had a bad day or because we disagree on something. I say good bye to people who make me feel bad or cant return the same amount of respect that i give them. I also say goodbye to people if i know i cant be a good friend either, as im not perfect.

I feel a lot happier and  now have a nice group of genuine friends who make an effort but also want effort in return. Be it coffee dates to bitch about husbands, random dick pics to cause a stir of laughter or simply a shoulder to lean. Sure sometimes i am the weaker broken friend and other days im the warrior friend. Its give and take.

Know you worth, give your worth and recieve your worth.

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